How Does He Keep Getting the First Scoop?

He just has a nose for journalism, I guess.

Hey, It Beats an Electronic Collar

Keeping Old Folks at Home

Scott McClellan Speaks Out

I usually try to keep my politics out of here, but this is important. While I think Scott is a little too easy on himself in his assessments, this is probably the single most important development in the course of determining exactly what went wrong with the Bush Administration. Usually you have to wait 10 years before the books start coming out, but for better or worse information travels a lot faster these days.

May The Ethanol Be With You

Those Brits sure do know how to have a good time.

Just Some Stenography

Just some run-of-the-mill stenography...

Kids Are So Smart These Days

Working together, delegating responsibilities,
cleaning up after themselves...

Look Up. Look Down.

Now look at Mr. Stingray!

Wii Games Lead To Assaults

...of the limp-wristed variety.

Why Do Girls Spend So Long on the Toilet?

This gives new meaning to the phrase

"shit or get off the pot."

Georgian Police Storm TV News Station

The guy in this video has huge brass balls the size of canteloupes. As he is finishing up his broadcast, Georgian police are storming the building, making everyone lie down on the floor, and smashing their cell phones so that they can't call out.

C is for Cookie

...that's good enough for me.

Butt-Biting Bug

No, Really. Only from Japan.

My Parents Suggested Vegas This Christmas...

Now I'm not so sure.

It's Mr. Potato Head!

Honestly though, I wish the guy the best.

Melanine Is the Least of Your Worries.

The bathroom just got a bit less convenient, more sanitary.

We Have Good News And Bad News

The good news:

That animal you thought was extinct? It was seen recently in the wild.

The bad news:

It tastes great well done.

Now That's Creative

60-year-old man figures out how to go out in style.

They Came Prepared...For What, Exactly?

Candy stripers drop candy bars.

Grime Capsule

I'm sure when they sealed the lid of the time capsule they were thinking of the surprised looks on the faces of the people who would some day open it. The 1957 time capsule was huge as time capsules go, with concrete walls and a high-tech automotive work of art, the 1957 Plymouth Belvedere. This Monday the lid was finally cracked on the 50-year old chamber to reveal the treasures within.

Stop, Hey, What's That Sound?

Everybody look what's going...WTF?

Is that the roof of your truck dragging on the ground?!?

What? What? Speak up!

Never stick anything smaller than your finger in your ear.

His Baaark Is Worse Than His Bite

Japanese actress fleeced.

There's No Reason To Be Alarmed

But seriously, if you find any radioactive material let us know, ok?

Are You Bored?

Nothing to do? Stuck in a small town?

Look a little like that kid from Almost Famous,

only you're a girl and you fell out of the ugly tree,

hitting every branch on the way down?

Why don't you try robbing a house?

Oh.

That's why.

Emo: A Plague On Our Modern Youth

Rarely does a news report reduce me to tears, but this really got to me. It made me weep for the future...of journalism. Mostly, though, I was having trouble breathing and I couldn't see through the tears because I was laughing so hard. I recognize most of the "reference" materials they used to make this report. I recognize them because they are from joke sites posted on the Internet.

Let this be a lesson: Google is a tool, and like any tool there is some level of training required to use it properly, otherwise you're going to end up looking like a jackass.

Boston Bomb Scare UPDATE

Scott Ott of ScrappleFace has uncovered details of some of the other "guerrilla marketing" techniques that Turner Broadcasting was considering as part of its ad campaign for its show Aqua Teen Hunger Force, and I think it will put to rest any doubts that the electronic "billboards" were designed to provoke a terrified response.

A Message to the City of Boston: MORONS!

So yesterday there was a bomb scare, which is to say that some people were scared that there might be a bomb. There was no threat called in, and no terrorist chatter, just a bunch of small LED billboards depicting one of the Mooninites from Aqua Teen Hunger Force flashing away the middle finger. These things had been hung magnetically from bridges, on the sides of buildings, etc. for weeks. Boston officials shut down the city and sent in the bomb squads, and now are launching an active media campaign to deflect accusations that they're a bunch of idiots for running to the media about their "terrorism" scare by accusing Turner Broadcasting (owners of Cartoon Network) of grossly irresponsible behavior for the electronic equivalent of putting up posters.

I wanted to give them the benefit of the doubt, so I tracked down some pictures of the offending billboards. Oh my god it's a bomb!!! (I'd better stop before I have a sargasm)

So what is Aqua Teen Hunger Force? It's hilarious. ...and stupid. Really dumb. No one should ever admit in public that they watch this show. TiVo it in private and chuckle away at the antics of Master Shake, Meatwad, Frylock and Carl from next door, or buy the Aqua Teen Hunger Force DVDs.

After All the Bad Jokes and Snide Remarks...

...it actually happened. The company tasked with building a wall between the US and Mexico was busted for hiring illegal Mexican workers.

In the resulting flash flood of irony fourteen people are missing and presumed drowned.

The Story Doesn't Say...

...but something tells me that if her arms had been free she would have bludgeoned herself to death to avoid the embarassment.

This picture is of part of the same group of caves, taken from this site.

You Thought We Were Kidding, Didn't You?

We tried to warn you, but no, you just had to have that Red Ryder 1000-shot carbine with a compass in the stock and this thing which tells time. And now that you've shot your eye out, we're waiting patiently for that apology.